No need to cheat for the final letter of the alphabet. Zak is the alien hero of My Boyfriend’s an Alien and he is a species of being who changes form and is living as a human for the first time. What makes this experience even more difficult for Zak is that the other species whose form he has taken have feelings that are far more dulled. Only as a human does he feel love and passion, excitement and heartbreak. Yet as an alien he has no idea what those feelings are all about.
He makes mistakes as he struggles to deal with his strange feelings, but even an alien deserves some happiness and for Zak it comes in the form of Sam, a young man with secrets of his own.
“What happened to send Sam running home?” Darren asked.
“I don’t know. I didn’t even know he’d gone.”
“He didn’t tell you he was leaving?”
“What did you do?”
Zak turned his back on Darren. “I love how you automatically assume it’s something I’ve done. It couldn’t possibly be something Sam did.”
Darren stepped around so he was in front of Zak. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It’s just that when I first arrived on Earth and people were pissed off at me, well, it was usually because I had said or done something that isn’t normally done on this planet.”
“Like wanking in the public showers?” Zak said with a small, embarrassed smile.
“Yeah, like that. Now, are you going to carry on stalling or are you going to tell me what happened after the two of you left the main party last night?”
“We went upstairs to watch the fireworks from my balcony.”
“And we talked about New Year traditions.”
Darren waited patiently, not pushing or prompting Zak until he was ready to open up.
“He shoved his tongue in my mouth,” Zak finally blurted out.
“Ah. He kissed you.”
“That’s what it’s called!” Zak exclaimed. “I’ve been trying to remember the word all night.”
“Well, as long as your vocabulary issue is sorted, how about we get back to the question of why Sam left.”
“I don’t know why he left.”
“You can’t fool me,” Darren replied with a knowing expression on his face. “You and Sam have been getting pretty close the last few weeks. Last night he kissed you and this morning he ran back home. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this isn’t the full picture. What else happened between the kiss and this morning?”
“He went to his room and locked the door on me.”
“Zak!” Darren’s patience was clearly reaching its end. “Did you kiss him back?”
Zak kicked at the grass with the toe of his shoe. “No, of course not. I didn’t even realise what he was doing at first.”
“Will you stop saying ‘ah’ like it explains everything?”
“But it does. You’ve never kissed anyone before, just like I never had before I came to Earth. I remember my first reaction when a rather forward young lady decided she wanted to get to know me better and gave me my first kiss.” Darren shuddered visibly. “It was quite a traumatic experience.”
“Is that any way to talk about your wife?” Zak teased, knowing he was stalling again.
“It wasn’t Eleanor who kissed me—it was her younger sister, Mary. Goodness, I’ve not thought about her in years.”
“What happened to her?”
“She eloped with a French merchant, much to the horror of her parents. Now, back to your kiss with Sam. What exactly happened when he kissed you? What did you say and do?”
“He shoved his tongue in my mouth!” Zak pulled a face. “It’s a disgusting thing to do.”
“You didn’t say that to Sam, did you?” Darren cringed at Zak’s nod.
“So, let me get this straight. Sam kissed you and you told him it was disgusting. Anything else?”
“I might have pushed him away from me to make him stop. Then he went and locked himself in his room and wouldn’t talk to me except to tell me to piss off.”
“No wonder he ran off.”
“Surely he knew it was a revolting thing to do?” Zak said.
“Humans don’t think so, at least not when they’re kissing someone they have feelings for. They often find it most enjoyable.”
“Yes. I have to admit I’m not too fond of it myself, but Eleanor enjoys it.”
“I’ve never seen the two of you kiss.”
“That’s because we don’t do it very often, and when we do, it’s usually behind the closed door of the bedroom. Eleanor knows I don’t really enjoy kissing so we don’t bother very often.”
“You actually let her put her tongue in your mouth?”
“Yes. You have to remember that human sex is very much about putting parts of your body into your lover’s or the other way around. Humans have very physical relationships.”
Zak blushed. “I can see that from the way they keep throwing themselves at each other.”
Darren sighed. “We really are going to have to sit down and have a chat about the birds and the bees when we get home.”
“It’s just an expression,” Darren explained. “Humans use it to describe talking about sex.”
“Remind me when we get back to have a chat.”
Zak nodded although he had no intention of doing anything of the sort. He had managed to avoid that particular discussion so far, largely because he suspected Darren was doing just as much to avoid it. Despite being on Earth for so long, Darren still wasn’t very comfortable discussing certain things, sex being one of them.