J is for Jokes

As someone who writes a wide variety of stories, some dark and (hopefully) thought provoking, and others more light-hearted, there are plenty of laughs to be had in many of my stories.

Here are a few of the more amusing moments from some of my stories.

Destiny & Dragons

With his sword in hand, Marcus marched toward the castle. As he drew near, he caught sight of a dark-haired woman leaning out the topmost window.

“Help! Help!” she shouted down to him.

Marcus gave her a wave and continued his approach.

“Hurry up!” the princess called.

“I’ll be with you shortly, my love,” Marcus yelled back.

Marcus convinced himself he had misheard the lady’s reply when it came a few moments later. After all, no well brought up princess would have screeched for him to “Get a bloody move on”. Perhaps the wind had distorted her words.


Let Down Your Hair

“Maybe you got the name wrong?” Marcus suggested after the camp had been set up and there was still no sign of the bride putting in an appearance.

“Everyone knows it’s Rapunzel.”

“Are you sure this is the right tower?”

Aiden gave Marcus his ‘of course’ look. “She’s probably shy in the face of her true love.”

Marcus snorted. “Maybe she doesn’t want someone climbing up her hair. It sounds bloody painful if you ask me.”

Aiden waved away his concerns. “Not to worry, I brought a pair of gloves with me.”

“You could just go knock on the door,” Marcus suggested, pointing to the wooden door at the base of the tower.

Aiden shook his head. “I must climb the maiden’s hair to rescue her. It’s tradition.”


Falling into Darkness

Gabriel called the room to attention. “Lucifer, you are here in this realm in direct contravention of the agreement between yourself and the archangels.”

Lucifer didn’t say anything.

“Well?” Gabriel asked.

“What do you want me to say?” Lucifer replied. “I know I’m here. I was horny.”

Michael nearly choked on his tongue.

“Lucifer,” Gabriel said, “Michael asked for time away from you. You had no right to deny him this.”

“He didn’t seem upset to see me last night,” Lucifer said. “I believe his exact words were ‘suck harder’ and ‘fuck me’. Hardly the words of someone who didn’t want me here.”

Michael’s face burned as the rest of the archangels focused their attention on him. Lucifer’s tongue would be the death of him, one way or another.

My Boyfriend’s an Alien

“I wasn’t having sex! That’s something animals do.”

Darren took a deep breath, clearly trying to rein in his temper. “And humans.”

“What?”

“Humans reproduce by having sex.”

“They do?”

“Yes.”

“Why wasn’t that bit of information included in the knowledge extracted from you after you were fostered here?”

“I’m sure it must have been,” Darren said. “You just seem to recollect what you like and disregard the rest.”

“Actually,” Eleanor interrupted again, “maybe it wasn’t in the knowledge they took from you.”

Darren looked at Eleanor. “It must have been.”

Eleanor shook her head, a tiny smile playing on her lips. “Have you forgotten our wedding night so soon?”

Zak had no idea what she was talking about, but her words made sense to Darren and he groaned and put his head in his hands.

Zak looked at Eleanor for an explanation.

“Darren’s time here before he reached maturity was rather short, not even a month, although it was long enough for him to decide he wanted to spend his life with me. However, it wasn’t long enough for a proper courtship to take place, at least not one that would satisfy my father. We were married after our return here.”

“At the point of your father’s sword,” Darren muttered.

Eleanor chuckled and nodded. “Well, what did you expect after taking me away for so long without a chaperone?”

“It wasn’t like anything happened while we were on my home world.”

“No, but I seem to recall that was because you didn’t know what we could have been doing. It was only on our wedding night, after our return to Earth, that you learned about the delights of the bedchamber. My mother was rather impressed I’d married a virgin.”

“You told your mother about our wedding night?”

“Yes, she wanted to know I was okay.”

“Did you have to tell her everything?”